In his classic Spanish comedy-noir film, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, Pedro Almodovar satirizes the banes of every woman’s existence: career, kids, family, friends, relationships and last but not least, affairs of the heart or simply just: men.
It is safe to say that the latter causes 99% of all female neuroses, even if modern psychology and Freud would like us to think otherwise. The questions surrounding relationships and men are many: Who is the ideal mate? Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Right now? Does one choose a man for love, security, or sex ? Is there such a thing as having it all, or have women been brainwashed by Walt Disney and blinded by his blinged out glass slipper? What makes the prince charming and what makes him a frog? What makes a man attractive and sexy and what is the archetype of the perfect male? Strong and powerful or funny and sensitive?
Going back to the Bronze Age some 3000 plus years ago, Helen of soon to be Troy, was facing some similar issues. Not only was she the ancient world’s #1 ranked “most beautiful and most wanted woman on the planet”, she was also married to the most powerful man in the land, the King of Sparta, making her the envy of all and the Queen of “It-Queens” in all of Greece. King Menelaus was all a young girl could wish for: brave, smart, strong, rich and mighty and above all, he had fame and a huge ass palace fit for a beauty queen starlet demi-goddess daughter of Zeus like Helen. He was the warrior King, the King of Kings and he ruled with power and respect. One could say they were the perfect power couple, the Brangelina of ancient Hollywood: until a little guy known as Paris came along.
When they met in her palace in downtown Sparta, on that fateful Saturday evening in 1220BC, it was love at first sight! The young and ill-fated laid back poet, the banished pretty boy slacker prodigal son, the not so confident male, cowardly, not powerful and not respected but in touch with his female side, metro sexual Trojan Prince, swept her off her feet instantaneously, making her fall hard, following him on a wild escapade to the East (remember were not talking the East side here, were talking the other side of her known world, quite the bold move) instigating a worldwide man hunt of angry Greeks, deploying a catalogue of a thousand of ships with the best of noble fighters, bound by sacred vows for honor (but really vengeance and glory) leading to a bloody, ten year debacle of a war to be retold forever in tales (and at the end for what? only be taken and shipped back forcefully home to, boohoo, Sparta).
So what made Helen leave the security of her King’s power fame and riches behind for the uncertain, lazy whiny foreign Prince boy toy? (Besides Aphrodite’s meddling and oracle foretelling).
Recently I was lucky to have attended & occupied the front rows of several NYC Broadway productions, two of which stand out in my mind most vividly for their spectacular performances (and my biased affections): Macbeth and Betrayal each portrayed by two great stage worthy leading Hollywood men: The former starring the edgy, brooding, ageless rock star poet thespian, Ethan Hawke and the latter starring our favorite elegant gentleman, cold as ice macho yet classy 007 spy, Mr. Bond himself, Brit Daniel Craig.
Each offered excellent, riveting interpretations in their own right, embracing their role wholeheartedly with cut throat precision.
Bloody murder aside, Macbeth is a living tragic paradox: he embodies the male that is ambitious and power hungry but weak and unsure, a brave soldier, yet insecure and ultimately unworthy and wishy-washy, who gets bitch slapped and ruled by his wife, the fates and the witches, the guy who commits murder then sulks and contemplates his act, has a nervous breakdown and instead of taking responsibility he murders some more only to be tortured and ruined slowly by his guilt and consequences of his actions: in other words a darker more evil grown up Hamlet. You don’t know whether to hate him or feel sorry for him. Who else to play this role and tackle all these conflicting personas than Ethan Hawke, the perennial melancholy complicated bad boy, the romantic lost soul, the forever misunderstood raw adolescent, exuding sensitivity and serpent like uncertainty.
In Betrayal, Robert is a self assured man’s man, successful and manipulative, rugged yet sophisticated and literary, charming confident and uncompromising even as, beknownst to him, his wife is having an affair for seven years with his best friend. This doesn’t seem to bother him much however. He remains tough and domineering, bold in thoughts words and actions. Nothing a good fight, a slap, a drink and a good lay that some extra marital affairs of his own can’t heal. Sounds like a job then for Mr. 007, relentless and cool under all conditions and occasions, dodging bullets left and right (and bad reviews from time to time) while throwing them back out there like a proper Englishman, sharp, shaken and not stirred, Daniel Craig. The Chicago Tribune rightfully described him in a review as the "craggy Craig, smart enough to do a play about clinging to the top of the mountain and never admitting your fear of loss". Both plays are about betrayal, loss, sin and desire, and both men live and suffer through their own. Yet one is consumed by fate and the other takes it by the horns. Robert is the strong one, his wife the naïve, pathetic one. Conversely, Macbeth is the pathetic one and his wife Lady Macbeth is the “unsexed” force to reckon with. Robert, the fighter, takes the circumstances in his own hands, gallantly rides, regroups and moves on while Macbeth poetically wallows in despair, eventually to his own demise.
It is hard and unjust of course to lump men in two confining categories but there are obvious characteristics that make this somewhat possible. After watching each of the plays, these two very different types of men just screamed at me for further investigation.
The answer well, will probably remain unanswered. What may make a man attractive to one, may look like a frog to the other, what seems sexy in our 20’s may not be so attractive to us in our 30’s or 40’s and vice versa. The neuroses, the breakdowns, the laughter, the tears, the discussions, the constructing and deconstructing will all continue. Relationships will fail, stumble, triumph, succeed, maybe all of the above, or none at all, because at the end of the day there is no such thing as perfect, there are no knights in shining armor (well you never know) and there are no guarantees (only in prenups and how romantic is that). There are few archetypes but there are many stereotypes. There are things known and there are things unknown and in between are the doors, and while I do not apologize for my Morrison reference, we can choose one, see where it goes and anything goes. What we can look for is balance and that which makes us content. Perhaps for now or in the long run. Both types can be smart, suave, sexy and appealing, they can be strong and funny, sensitive and manly! It doesn’t matter, because like Shakespeare tells us, “fair is foul and foul is fair”, and if all is fair in love and war but… knowing is half the battle, since we will never know for sure, the battle of the sexes will wage on. So keep on singing o muse…there’s more to come. We can only hope for the best in our choices since we do not have oracles guiding us (and look what good that did) but if it has to be between Ethan Hawke and Daniel Craig well, neither are too shabby, are they now?
So take your pick ladies, raise your martini glass and have it shaken, stirred and even dirty! As you like it and seasoned to taste, because you deserve it!
Follow Xara Vam on twitter @XaraVam
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